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Literature: Stories, Journals, Essays, ect by lavitzstrife

Literature by MrAxiom


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Submitted on
January 21, 2010
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There was two girls arguing back and forth about how each other have claimed to have the boy that was actually with both of them.

"Look you crazy girl I just want you to give up your little obsession with my man!" One girl said. She was light-skinned with brown hair wearing the most ridiculous shirt I've seen in years. She looked like she was going to slap the mess out of the girl she was messing with.

"He doesn't want you spiteful girl! You were a mistake to even go out with.  He is my man!" The other girl screamed.  She was semi light-skinned with blonde hair and wearing a nice dress almost like she was going to a prom. Which is what was about to go on in a few more days.  They was screaming and arguing with surprisingly nobody there to listen or were there?

"You are gonna get hurt if I  see you out with him." The girl with the ridiculous outfit on said. "My mama will witness me beating on you mercilessly as she wanted to see me do in the past."

The other girl gave out an angry what look and replied, "Do I give a rat's behind about you beating me in front of your crazy mamma?"

That killed it. The tacky clothes girl went off and said, "Not unless you went out with a rat!" She vented off even further saying things the worst person would cringe to.
Punch! The girl in the dress socked the other girl in the eye.  They fought and fought.

"You little rat!"

"Stupid--squeak!"

A rat the size of a foot came in and bit both of them.  How they didn't know a rat bit them is beyond me.

They shrunk and grew tails and of course their clothes fell off.  Their ears got round and their feet turned sharp and narrow,  Their hair turned black and shrounded their bodies.  Their freaked out yelps became squeaks.  They both were rats.  The rat that bit them came back and said, "You are both disgusting."  

The boy they were with turned out to have a girlfriend that he was in tune with.

"EEW! RATS!" his girlfriend screamed. She kicked one of them off and the other scurried away.

They remind me of two of my ex-girlfriends." The boy replied.  "Just disgusting."

The two rats were hurt.  They never fought each other again. Instead they helped each other out.
My very first TF hope you like it.
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:iconjmillart:
jmillart Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
It was good but slow down the transformation! It went too fast to enjoy the focus of the story.
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:iconskauldrich:
Skauldrich Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree, good work anyhow!
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:iconnikkigamer:
Nikkigamer Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2010  Student Writer
Alright. I did other tfs that seem better than this one... thanks
Reply
:iconmasterveemon:
masterveemon Featured By Owner Edited Oct 14, 2014
Really? You just did that? Don't try to cover up mistakes by pointing people toward other stories, (written by you or not :P) accept the mistakes you made. Now, I am in no way attempting to boss you around or anything, just pointers, because no one ever improved anything by ignoring mistakes. Relatively good story though, I like it.
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:iconnikkigamer:
Nikkigamer Featured By Owner Edited Oct 15, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks. It's gonna be edited some more.  Excuse what I said earlier.
Reply
:icongrayjaeger:
GrayJaeger Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010
Uh, just to let you know, you did plenty other TF stories. But this, could have been better. The moral is very apparent and you could atleast have put more details in. Never-the-less, it was pretty good besides those things. :)
Reply
:iconnikkigamer:
Nikkigamer Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks this was my first. I'm trying to be better at it.
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:icongrayjaeger:
GrayJaeger Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010
Good, keep trying, you'll do better. :)
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:iconnikkigamer:
Nikkigamer Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks a lot!:D
Reply
:icongrayjaeger:
GrayJaeger Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010
Yep! :D
Reply
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